I had to hike today. It felt as if the walls of the pressures of my life were closing in around me. As I meandered my way up the rocky mountain passing by families, couples and friends, I was relieved that I was unnoticed. Somehow each step felt like therapy. There were moments when I felt like crying and, or screaming. But, just like life, I just kept walking and these moments passed. I got to the top of the mountain. The sun beamed down on my skin and below I saw a blanket of fog covering up the beautiful ocean. What could this mean? Was there an analogy in this? Maybe my life would be foggy until I had the courage to see the beauty underneath the everyday stuff. Maybe the impermanence of the fog was the key.
I walked down the hill and breathed in the moist air. The fog cooled my skin. For a few moments, I felt light as a butterfly. I felt carefree. I wanted to run down the remainder of the trail. But, I walked and enjoyed the moment. I watched the people laboring as they were traversing up the hill and I wanted to say, “Hang in there, you’re almost there.” But, I was unnoticed. So, I whispered this to myself. I got in my car and my tightness returned. My chest felt tighter and tighter until I got home. I thought about my fog analogy. The fog is there until….I get the courage to see the jewels underneath. Right now, I don’t have the courage.